Soldier, there is no straddling both. You are either His or you are not.
The conflict of the ages has always been, whom will you serve?
This is the bottom line for everything. You will either have the security of resting on The Rock of Ages, or you will be a sail in whatever breeze comes along.
What does it mean to be a Soldier of The Cross? Are you a living sacrifice, or are you going to try to blindly cut your own path?
The Cross is the place of the death of the flesh - the death of the Old Man. You have a choice. Those without Christ have no choice. But, you can chose to enter into the Sabbath Rest, or you can chose to writhe in the small container of the situation.
You must tell Him you will be a Living Sacrifice. You must pursue Him. You must want to know him. You must make this decision, and you have the power to do it, because when you were born again, you received the Indwelling Holy Spirit, even though you have never invited Him to work in your innermost being.
So, do it now. Tell Him.
Today. Look up at Him who died for you, so you would not have to experience hell in this life.
Gaze upon Him. And, don't look down.