There is nothing in the Word of God that permits the Christians to figure out the past before pressing in to vigorous service.
Everyone has a past, and everyone needs to move into the thing the Lord has now.
Soldier of The cross, agree with God that He has allowed all the things in your life. Even though there are things that continue to make you writhe in the night, He is leading you into consecrated and lean service.
Those right before you are the people to whom you are to minister. We are told to turn away from the past and to press into His leading. Your children are right before you. Any reason to slow down ministry to them because of your past? Of course not.
Your husband needs to see you live before him. This is not about having a sugary marriage. It is about being Soldier of The Cross, and being a Living Sacrifice. It is not about how you are treated. It is about revealing Jesus.
Soldier of The Cross, just agree with God. It simplifies everything.
Tell Him. Today.