The test of the heart before the Lord is how you treat people.
There is nothing in God's word that allows us to give back what is deserved. In fact, we are told there is a blessing in loving our enemies. What does that really mean?
"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor (fellow man) and hate your enemy. 44 But I say to you, love that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may show yourselves to be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous, those who are morally upright and the unrighteous, the unrepentant, those who oppose Him. 46 For if you love only those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, wishing them God’s blessing and peace, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles who do not know the Lord do that? 48 You, therefore, will be perfect, growing into spiritual maturity both in mind and character, actively integrating godly values into your daily life, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
This does not imply there needs to be any kind of warm feeling. It is about behavior.
It is about affirmative action to help when needed and to pray for blessing on those who have abused us.
Blessing is not a shower of stuff. Real blessing means the revelation of who God is and what that means. So praying for our enemies means putting aside the negative value of what they have done to us and moving forward in obedience.
There are people who are so toxic, we must avoid them. But we cannot avoid praying for them.
Are you a real Soldier of The Cross? When you told Him you wanted Him, did you mean it?
This is a time for all out obedience. You can take this to Him and ask Him for wisdom and empowerment.
Do it aloud and do it now!