The behavior of most people is dictated by feelings or the lack thereof.
This should not be the case for the Soldier of The Cross. Feelings come from numerous sources, and often from the enemy. Personal history accounts for much of human reaction and emotion.
Soldier, this is not to imply all your feelings are false. Actually, all your feelings are real. The issue is, how do they line up with God's Word?
You feel what you feel. If you learn to deal with this matter with the Word of God and in prayer and if you choose what He says, over time, you will not be driven by emotion.
There will never be a time when you are not slammed by intense feeling. It does lessen, and because of your determination to be changed into His Likeness, obedience allows you to recognize what is happening and you are then free to choose the right behavior even when you are feeling the wrong thing.
What is it you want? Do you want Him? Do you want to be like Him? It means tough choices. When you choose what is eternal, the temporal shrinks to allow the light to dawn. God's Word will come to mind. The Indwelling Holy Spirit will present to you the option of obedience.
Then, freedom. Healing.
What else is there?
Soldier, take this to Him in prayer.