Soldier of The Cross, it is not about you.
If you have a real prayer life, He will let you know if you need to make something right. Of course we all need to be changed, and we must be always praying about it. The reality is, our lives are to be poured out for others, and we are to reveal the life of Christ.
So, how does that actually happen?
Certainly not through hyper-spirituality. It happens when there is plodding obedience, and often, it doesn't feel fabulous. Feeling is never the issue. Obedience is the issue.
This is not about being squishy or being a flag in the breeze. This is about being a Soldier on the Front Line, and representing the One who went after you and revealed Himself to you.
Soldier, pray about the basics. One foot after the other. There is no real Life when it is all about you.
Give it to Him in prayer and be specific. You are way too focused on what you think is hurting you.
Do it aloud. Now.