There is a serious false teaching in the church today.
There is no biblical teaching of love of self. Psychology has corkscrewed its way into the most essential element of discipleship, and that is the taking up of The Cross daily and following Him.
Matthew 22:36 is not a commandment to approve of one's self. The verse does not lay out a pre-condition to loving and caring for others. When considering all scripture to interpret this verse, Ephesians 5:29 is one of many verses that put things in perspective:
" After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church." (Amplified Bible)
We have an enemy whose goal it is to do anything he can to keep us from serving with abandon. And he can absolutely project feelings. It is possible to feel unlovely and inadequate and still move on and care for others because feeling good about yourself is not a prerequisite to service.
The Cross is the place of the death of the flesh. You are a Soldier of The Cross. You made the decision that your life would not be your own, and that you would follow and submit to the Lover of Your Soul. Submitting to the surgical knife of that Lover certainly does not feel good and does not lend itself to self-love.
Those who are following hard after Him are always, always ministering to others. How can a Living Sacrifice (Romans 12: 1, 2) lie on the altar, self-examining before service?
Having dealt with men and women in ministry for over 40 years, I have observed that those who have freedom are those who walk in obedience. Many, many have left behind any substantial devotional life, and rely on knowledge and experience rather than the freshness of the Word and the leading of the Spirit.
He disciplines us because we cannot discipline ourselves in our deepest places.
Self-examination and repentance are a must for the Soldier of The Cross, but certainly not to assure self-approval. It must be to let go of all that encumbers and it must be in obedience.
God's Word is more real
Than the way that we feel!
Soldier, take it to Him and do it aloud.