Remember, you did nothing to deserve Him.
Years ago I was confronted by one of the women in the church who wanted to scold me about my teaching concerning Grace. Her father had been a minister and she had been trained in many aspects of theology, but knew nothing of Grace. Her issue was that I was teaching that we were saved by Grace and nothing else. (Ephesians 2:8,9) From the begriming of the discussion at the kitchen table, she was angry and crying.
When I finally got her so she could talk, she said, "You always say He saved us by Grace and nothing else. He sustains us by Grace and nothing else. He lives in us by Grace and nothing else. . ."
Then she said, "That can't be true. If there were nothing good in us and nothing worth rescuing, He would never have died for us."
Oh, Soldier, The Bible teaches us that Grace means favor that is not earned or deserved.
We deserved nothing. He gave Himself for those who were lost in sin, period.
Like the Israelites, we are covered by The Blood. We didn't earn it or deserve it. We don't know why He chose us, but we will know all the why's in eternity.
Soldier, you are a Soldier of The Cross, but you are also a follower of the One who is the Prince of Glory and gave Himself for you and for me, even though we could never have deserved or earned it.
Gaze upon Him.
Look up and move on. There is much to do.