You have nothing to lose.
Why don't you stand where you are now, and tell the Lord He can do anything He wants to with your life? Tell Him that because of His Word, you know He won't leave you without rescue, and that you will trust Him anyway.
What has kept you from doing this earlier? Isn't eternity real? Isn't it more real than time?
Get up on your feet. Speak outloud. The angels are watching respectfully. Say the thing that must be said. DO IT! You must do it. It is not enough to be stimulated or even to shed tears over it - you must tell Him so that you can hear your own voice declare the commitment of your life.
He will love you and lead you and reveal Himself to You. There will be light for the next thing as there has been through the ages for these who have sought Him.