Why are you a Soldier of The Cross?
Because He touched you.
You know it is true because you can not go back. You responded and you told Him that you wanted Him to be your Lord and Savior. You tasted the Presence of the Indwelling Holy Spirit. You were born into a dimension you had never experienced.
So then, how is it possible that you are considering complaining and wondering like those who have not known His touch? Is it possible you have been more deeply touched by another? Of course not.
So then Soldier, hold the course. You must live a no-matter-what life if you are a disciple.
There is nothing to loose, and you have the freedom to promise others that no one who waits for Him has ever been disappointed!